Not that I have any laurel to rest onto, but… )
Since I started my non-retributed freelancing experiences in the entertainment world, there isn’t a day where I don’t ask myself: “what should I do more?”.
Every morning I wake up with a perennial state of excitement and frustration for the many things I don’t know but want to know, the many areas of the market that are strangers to me and the many strategies I could try to become what I want to become. While I work on my several projects my heart races and the concentration lacks. I go to sleep feeling unsatisfied, like I wasn’t able to fully comprehend all the possibilities I could pursue to fulfill my dream.
Worst of all is comparing with others. There is always someone who did better than me, someone who got the system while I am still trying to learn how to tide my shoes. My stomach hurts with jealousy and insecurity flows.
I am writing this because I want to put down the truth: all of this shit is a waste of time.
Looking at the others’ work is useful, yes, but only if you could find inspiration for what you want and can do. It’s ok to compare to others only if you know who are you. There is no point in comparing to someone just for the sake of jealousy and self-indulgence. It’s by observing those that could be your mentors that you would find what roads could be suitable for what you want and those that may be not. You are a different person from the those that succeeded, even just because now they are there and you are still here. Time has passed and things are changed.
Speaking of time, I think is really there that you should look for reference.
Have you ever tried to watch, read or take a look at something you’ve done in the past and think: “Ugh, did I really do that? Man, if I am improved!”?
Here and there I go take a look at shorts I did during university or things I wrote in the past. Sometimes I find there has been a great improvement, sometimes I don’t. On both occasions there is the change to think about it. Why did I improve? Why did I not? Did I learn some new techniques? Has my languages or contents changed?
Maybe if you haven’t changed a bit, nor in content nor in technique, is because you rested too much on your laurels, because at some point in your life you felt it was safer than trying new things. But unfortunately, that attitude is not going to help you moving forward and, eventually, you’d be obsolete.
Sounds bad, maybe, but I think is the best you could do to take a look from the outside of what you have achieved and how, so to plan better your next step into your path.
I can’t guarantee it will work, but at least some of us will get some sleep.
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